The author describes her infant observation experience based on an aspect that influenced its path from the beginning: the perception of a lack, a void that could not be mentioned nor shared during meetings. As time passed something unnameable took form in the observer's mind: the idea that Cristina, mother of the infant Marianna, was the orphan of both a real mother and an internal mother from whom to obtain trust and safety for her own mothering function. Psychic pain due to unprocessed mourning seemed so strong and deep that Cristina could not tolerate it mentally, especially during weaning: this event vividly evoked her loss and led her to project on to Marianna the hostile and rejecting world of her own internal experience. The observer thus perceived a heavy sense of loneliness and abandonment. Marianna, however, with her vitality and tenacity seemed able, in time, to bring to light, at least in part, the unnameable secret.
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